I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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