The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
