Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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