Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
