in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
