dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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