HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I could fuck to npr.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
