What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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