she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
