You really coming over, don't trick.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
