you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This is the high leading the old right now
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
