Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
