You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
