Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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