Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
