I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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