Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
