You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
