Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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