I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
