you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
