I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
