Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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