omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
