Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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