You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
