Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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