ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I need a beard to bite.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
