wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
