I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
