y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
