probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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