I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
