I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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