On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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