You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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