..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
