He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Terrible idea I love it
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