So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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