I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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