youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
