She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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