Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
