Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
