I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
