Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i dont even know how to be here
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
BRING THE BAGELS
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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