I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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