so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
