sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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