She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
How's work?
Spinning.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
